Team Gai is Family
by Sandataba
Summary: TGIF Series. A compilation of short stories about Team Gai. Updated, incidentally, on Fridays. Stories 9 & 10: Family and fanaticism
1. Gai is Gai

**Team Gai is Fabulous **

* * *

_Gai is Gai_

_Blurb: _A question is answered about Gai, and Tenten discovers a newfound appreciation for her sensei.

_Genre_: Humor/Friendship

_Disclaimer_: You never know, maybe I do own Naruto. And I write fanfiction about it because… no, there is no logical reason why one would write fanfiction for a series one already owns.

* * *

Tenten made a sound of disgust.

She'd used up all her pain relievers during a recent mission, and hadn't had the chance to re-stock. She would just have to grin and bear the dysmenorrhea during training today.

It was a little comforting to tell herself that Lee voluntarily bruised and bled to become a better ninja, and suffering was not the sole prerogative of women alone. Even Neji trained himself to the point of agony under the tutelage of Maito Gai and his uncle Hiashi. Pain was not the problem.

The kunoichi puffed out a breath and took a ready stance with her scroll. Neither of the boys, however, had her particular problem of worrying why her period was so irregular and so painful, why her mood swings made her so weepy and irritable before the onset, and whether it was something that could affect her potential to bear children in the future. She had no one to talk to about this kind of thing. Sure, they'd covered all the medical possibilities of her condition during kunoichi classes in the academy, and she could always go for a check up and ask the medics about it, but sometimes Tenten just felt lonely that there was no one she was close to that knew her well enough to simply comfort her and tell her being a female ninja didn't mean she was weaker during this time of the month.

"Tenten?"

Tenten froze at registering the voice immediately behind her. She'd blinked for one second, and the match was over. Gai had been in front of her, then suddenly gone. She'd lost.

The Green Beast clapped a hand to her shoulder. "Come with me," he ordered.

* * *

He noticed immediately her distraction. His student was going through the motions of a spar, almost like Lee while asleep. Even on auto-pilot Tenten could probably beat a lesser opponent, but training was for the exact purpose of preparing for stronger, not weaker enemies.

They sat on two tree stumps facing each other in a clearing a distance away from the training field. From the way she shifted on her seat, Gai could also immediately tell the cause of her distraction earlier.

"My youthful flower," he asked gently, "Are you currently suffering menstrual cramps?"

All of Tenten's mental faculties shut down.

Her sensei was bringing up feminine issues.

Her sensei was questioning her on a topic that was strictly a females-only discussion.

Her sensei was… he was…

"I'm sorry," Tenten blurted. She pointed at him, "I can't talk to you about something like that. You're a guy, Gai-sensei. And my teacher. And a guy. And," she said with finality, "A guy."

Gai nodded, expression soothing despite being repeatedly told his name and gender for no discernible reason, "But I am very in touch with my feminine side, Tenten. You can confide in me about anything."

Tenten's finger wavered, lowered. She blinked at him, "In… touch… with your feminine side?"

He smiled benignly. Blinked those eyes with the overlong lashes. Smiled with his too-white teeth. Raised his bushy, but extremely well-maintained eyebrows. "Very much so, my young student."

"You're- you're-," enlightenment dawned on her features. "Oh. Wow. Gai-sensei, it all makes sense now." She tilted her head, "So if I tell you icky female stuff, it won't make you squeamish like a regular guy?"

Gai grinned widely, "Nothing makes me squeamish, my dear."

* * *

"He's GAY?"

Tenten shrugged, smiling, "So what? He can still beat the crap out of any ninja we know."

Neji twitched, "Yes, but we're boys Tenten, you don't know how unsafe that makes us feel now." _Young, nubile and untouched_ were not adjectives Neji wished to enunciate in his statement.

"Gai sensei may have whatever preference he wants," Lee said gravely, processing this revelation, "He remains well-respected and has never shown pedophilic tendencies either." He shrugged at Neji, "And you're hardly good looking enough to attract anyone Neji, so you shouldn't worry."

Neji glowered at the green boy as Tenten laughed.

* * *

Kakashi closed his novel and eyed his rival's students, who were appraising him seriously, "What?"

"Are you a homosexual, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi fell out of the tree.

He looked around wildly, sharingan activated, "Is this some kind of surprise attack?" His Icha Icha safely jammed into the deepest recesses of his hardest-to-reach pouch, "Naruto, come out immediately!"

It was an unfortunate choice of phrasing. The three ninja looked at each other.

"Coming out," Neji shook his head, "This is more common than I thought."

"Gai-sensei confessed to Tenten that he is very in touch with his feminine side," Lee explained to a confused Copy Nin, "Which led us to suspect that his rivalry with you may be a manifestation of some other relationship aside from the purely competitive."

Kakashi's face mask formed an 'o' shape where his mouth was notionally situated, "I see. So he pulled the 'gay' ruse on you too then?" His gaze slid to Tenten, "You were being squeamish around him, weren't you?"

At their stares, he sat more easily on the ground, waving a negligent hand, "Gai's not gay. He's just very open. And he gets a lot of ladies by implying he's effeminate. Makes them trust him and all that," he had a good laugh at their expressions, "Every ninja has a special technique. I've got my mask, Gai's got his gay thing going."

"Technique!"

Kakashi fixed them with a serious eye, "Every ninja needs to set himself or herself apart to get a date once in a while. Unless you're ANBU, then the mysteriousness of it all is a good enough enticement," he could barely keep a straight face, but he had to, for these young, impressionable genin, "You three already have a good thing going, Neji with the hair," he nodded at the traditional Hyuuga ponytail, "Tenten with the hair," he paused, "And Lee, with the hair."

He stood up, unable to continue. "Well, gotta go." He disappeared with a swirl of leaves. Kakashi could laugh long, loud, and hysterically, just not in front of other people. Yet another technique to keep the ladies interested.

* * *

Tenten didn't know if she ought to feel betrayed. She had poured out all her womanly troubles to her sensei, who had sympathized and given practical advice. It had been a very helpful and enlightening chat, actually. Gai really was open about any and all bodily functions, and there was no embarrassing him in that regard.

In hindsight, Tenten realized she should not have been surprised. Her sensei regularly discussed with her in detail the various effects her sharp, blunt and explosive weapons had on the human body, and together they pored over myriad illustrations of mangled and mutilated targets on the receiving end of each particular weapon she sought to master, with trips to the hospital and morgue to further her understanding of the ninja tools and their uses. Her team mates, being young boys, shared her sense of the macabre, and often accompanied her and Gai during these lessons. Tenten knew, deep down inside, and was sure that Neji did too, that their sensei was in fact, very, very cool. Sometimes.

For his part, Neji was relieved. Believing for a while that his sensei was gay had pushed him to dramatically increase his defensive skills, making him realize that with the correct incentive, one could very well go past one's limits. There was nothing like thinking that he had to defeat _The_ Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha in order to protect his honor to keep him training till even the head of the Hyuuga clan wondered what had gotten into him. Hiashi had actually been concerned that Neji was lapsing into bitterness again about the curse seal, given the ferocity and desperation of the boy's self-training.

Lee was completely unaffected. He loved his sensei unconditionally, trained like a maniac anyway, and in his eyes, Gai's coolness was forever.

"My youthful students!" At the training field, Gai tossed two scrolls at Neji and Lee, respectively, "We are being assigned different missions at the moment. Neji, you are on Shikamaru's team. Lee, with Hinata's. Meanwhile, Tenten and I are on the same mission."

Neji and Lee nodded and left to rendezvous with their respective team mates. Gai turned to Tenten.

"I trust, Tenten my flower, that you are back in top form and are sufficiently recovered to take on this mission?" he asked kindly. Tenten beamed at him.

"Yes, Gai-sensei. And thank you," she wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him gratefully. Gai squeezed back briefly, but firmly disengaged himself after a few seconds. Strange, she thought, he was willing to hug Lee for _hours_.

He coughed. "You are welcome, Tenten. You are blossoming into your youth, and are a radiant and remarkable kunoichi. I am honored to be your sensei."

He gave the Good Guy pose. Instead of shrinking back, like she normally did, she smiled up at him. "And I'm honored to be your student." She slung on her scroll. "Shall we?"

As they set off towards the gates of Konoha, Tenten saw the flush on her sensei's face, a sign that he was very, very happy. Gai was always the one who cheered them on. Tenten knew he didn't need their approval, but even awesome teachers like him obviously loved hearing the affirmation come from his less demonstrative students.

Tenten grinned. In touch with his feminine side, crazy strong, and a gentleman. Any girl would be lucky to have her sensei for a date.

They flashed by the roof decks of the village, and a certain Copy Nin glanced up from his book as they passed.

"Hm," he noted Tenten's brilliant smile in Gai's direction, "So he's got another fangirl."

_End._

* * *

_A/N: Gai assisting Tenten with the facts of puberty is a well-loved plot gimmick. Hope this didn't seem too old hat. _


	2. Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey and Happy

A/N: When the summary of a fic garners a review of its very own, it must be art. Only art is evocative of such a passionate reaction. (Tries for a sexy smirk but ends up laughing like a monkey). I'll take your suggestions under consideration, so please review!

* * *

**Team Gai is Feisty**

* * *

_Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey and Happy_

_Blurb_: Where Grumpy _almost_ becomes Sexy.

_Genre_: Humor

* * *

"Deji."

Had he been in a better mood, Neji would have smiled at his team mate's inability to pronounce the letter 'n'. "I said no, Tenten."

"Pleadss?" her patented sparkly-eye expression only managed to look watery and sad. "I hab neber turd dowd a midyon."

"I'd rather eat Lee's curry of life."

"I am very sorry I ran out of stock, Tenten!" that was Lee, whose eyes also watered but for other reasons, "Any illness we have ever suffered has always been cured by a single dose of that wonderful curry! It is my fault you cannot recover from your nefarious cold to accept this new mission!"

"Id ok Lee." Tenten would rather be sick than eat said curry. She also did not bother arguing that her cold was not sentient enough to be 'nefarious,' "Bud Deji id beig ad add."

"What did you say?" the Hyuuga's tone was dangerous.

"Ad add Dej! Ad add!" they reeled away from the spittle Tenten projected with much venom. "Dyu are de oddly wod who cad heddge." She sneezed, and when she opened her eyes, her team mates were by the door.

"Are you suggesting, Tenten," Lee's own eyes were wide, "That NEJI take your place in this seduction mission?"

"Dad wad team made are bor." Tenten grumbled from her bed.

"Indeed!" Gai boomed from the window, a bunch of wildflowers clutched in his hand. He was attempting the cool entrance his rival Kakashi often used, but wondered why two of his youthful students merely looked horrified instead of delighted to see him, "In a truly cohesive team, any member should be ready to fill in the duties of another, who may be temporarily under the weather or otherwise indisposed. So, Neji."

"Gai."

"Neji."

"_Gai_."

"Neji."

"GAI."

Gai burst into tears and rainbows all by himself as Tenten and Lee clutched at each other, both crying now, Tenten from laughter and viral symptoms, Lee from happiness at the sign of his sworn rival engaging in such a meaningful exchange with their beloved sensei.

For the first time, Neji voluntarily sought refuge in the Hyuuga compound and refused to emerge until Tenten was fully recovered from the flu.

Gai and Lee went on the mission and effectively frightened the target into revealing the needed information, agreeing to stop all his criminal activities, and generally reforming completely to become a model citizen. Seeing as how much quicker this achieved the desired results, the Hokage stopped seduction missions and focused on training all ninja in undercover torture and interrogation.

* * *

A/N: _ooops. Another jibe at seduction missions._


	3. Drama

**Team Gai is Fraught**

_

* * *

_

Blurb: _The undercurrents of the loudest team._

Genre: _Drama_

* * *

None of the other rookie teams possessed the drama peculiar to Team 7, the first team of genin the Copy Nin Hatake Kakashi ever agreed to take on, simply because their team did not consist of one lovestruck girl, one lone survivor of a clan massacre, and the outcast host of the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox.

Like most teams, Team Gai had one normal girl, and two normal boys. Sure, the boys had sufficient tear-jerker backgrounds and the girl's background could likewise be classified as tear- jerking mainly because no one thought it was worth mentioning. Essentially though, Team Gai was a happy, well-adjusted team without undue drama. Except for the kind of potential drama that arises from any close group of growing teens composed of two guys and a girl.

Tenten had always been aware of it. She was a girl, first and foremost, and rather proud that as a female she could notice these subtle nuances far more quickly than her team mates. Unlike some unenlightened women, she did not consider femininity a weakness to be suppressed in the path to being a kunoichi, but an additional strength. Hence the lipstick at the Chuunin exam. There was always a chance her opponent would have gone easier on her because she was a girl, a stereotype which she would have used to her advantage. Too bad she'd been matched against a similarly-enlightened, more experienced kunoichi. She didn't hold any grudges against Temari. In fact, she admired the way the girl kept her own male team mates in check, considering that one of them was a powerful psychotic murderer and the other a bully who tended to beat up little children while he himself had not outgrown playing with dolls.

With her own team, Tenten was always conscious of how she related to each of her boys. She adopted the sisterly attitude with Lee, because it was the only way she could shake him to her heart's content and berate him without either hurting his feelings too much or being admonished for being so touchy-feely. She knew it was what Lee needed.

As for Neji, she gave him his space. Even after the Chuunin exams, he'd relaxed a bit, smiled more, but was too uncertain about his sudden paradigm shift to allow excessive emotional intimacy, even with his own team. She kept her distance, but knew it would only be a matter of time before her two clueless team mates realized there could be more to their dynamic than just as quasi-siblings or professional colleagues.

She was correct in her forecast that Neji would be the first to notice. Having been so distant, he was hyper-sensitive to the gradual development of their relationship. Lee, being used to her touch, was slower to attribute any other meaning aside from friendly contact.

When they'd fought against the Akatsuki named Kisame, Tenten hid her surprise well when Neji caught her after freeing them from the water prison.

"Thanks Neji," she glanced at him, saw the concern in his eyes that bordered on something else, and then she glanced away.

It was getting complicated.

* * *

Lee later on remarked on it, at some obscure point during training, "You really do need to train more Tenten. Neji can't save you all the time."

"It was one time, Lee. And, as I recall, you needed help too," irked, Tenten forsook her scroll, which was empty anyway, and engaged in a futile taijutsu spar with the young green beast of Konoha. It ended with her on the ground, almost. Lee had caught her with one arm before she hit, and was bent over her, a little winded.

"As I recall, I did not need to be supported afterwards by Neji, just as I am supporting you now."

Tenten sighed. Lee did have a point. "Fine. I don't like being a damsel in distress either. Let's train harder, Lee."

Lee grinned. Then he hugged her, as per usual. Tenten complained, as per usual.

"Enough already, Lee. You wouldn't want Sakura to be jealous would you?" she scolded, but knew better than to struggle. It only made Lee, or Gai, for that matter, grip harder.

"Eh?" the boy was quizzical. He carefully set her on her feet, "Why would she be? I love you, Tenten, but simply as my team mate and friend." He watched her face anxiously, "Does our interaction feel otherwise to you?"

Tenten grinned, glad that this wasn't going to become a sticky issue, at least with Lee, "Naw. I was just kidding. I love you too Lee, as a team mate and friend."

What she didn't count on, however, was how Lee began to watch her interaction with _Neji_. Who, by the way, was beginning to act stranger than ever.

* * *

"Neji," she berated, almost tempted to shake him by the shoulders the way she did with Lee, "I'm not a china doll!"

He had stepped in front of her yet again, during a battle, to fend off an attacker. They always analyzed a mission after they got home, but Neji had broken formation so many times today that Gai had ordered him off the battlefield in the middle of an actual skirmish for them to process what was going on. It was a simple mission, and Gai could handle it by himself, with one hand tied behind his back. Which he was currently doing. He trusted his young team to sort this out between themselves in the meantime.

The long-haired jounin crossed his arms, looking mulish and very much like his former twelve-year old self. "I have my reasons."

Tenten was about to explode into a rant about being on equal footing when Lee placed a calming hand on her shoulder, "Neji lost his father in the past, Tenten. His closeness to you is almost on par with that. He does not wish to lose you too."

They both stared at Lee in amazement. "Lee, you're close to Neji too," Tenten managed, "I don't see him—"

"I am his rival. He would like to see me hurt in order for me to improve," Lee's logic was a little chilling, but rather accurate, "He would do anything for _you_ not to be hurt though."

He turned to the stunned Hyuuga. "That is not fair to Tenten, Neji. She is a kunoichi and a very capable one at that. You must trust her. And our team. We should all look out for each other."

Neji looked torn between offense at being lectured by Lee, and shame at his previous actions. "Sorry, Tenten. I didn't mean to come across like I was patronizing you."

Tenten sniffed, "Apology not accepted. Treat me better, and to some snacks after this mission, and we'll talk some more."

The two boys grinned. They were used to their female team mate always milking Neji's very rare apologies for all they were worth. She would even pretend to cry, sometimes.

"Let's just finish the mission," he grunted. "I'll treat you all to soba after." They groaned. Only Neji really liked soba.

"Race you," Tenten jumped back into the fray, greeting Gai with a happy shout that everything was okay now.

Lee held Neji back a moment more.

"We're only sixteen Neji. And we're always with her. Let's make every moment count," with that, Lee ran with a youthful "Yosh!" towards their sensei.

Neji frowned at the things Lee left unsaid, but stopped coddling Tenten.

* * *

From that point on, Tenten never even noticed how her two boys began to watch _each other_ with her. She was an intuitive kunoichi, yes, but they were also very sneaky ninja.

* * *

_End._

_A/N: This seems to be an unresolved sexual tension fic. I always hated those, thinking, "Resolve it already, blast you." Couldn't resist a yay!Lee fic though. He is berry berry sneaky._


	4. Tenten's Past

**Team Gai is Fanciful**

* * *

**_Tenten's past_**

_Blurb_: The mystery is finally unraveled.

_Genre_: Humor

* * *

"Tenten, you are secretly a princess with a rare bloodline limit. To summon magical pink unicorns."

"Neji, when I get out of this genjutsu, I will kill you dead. "

.

.

.

.

.

.

* * *

_A/N: Please do not kill me dead._


	5. On Kakashi

**Team Gai is Faithful**

* * *

**On Kakashi**

_Blurb_: Gai's students were in on it too.

_Genre_: Friendship/Hurt/Comfort

Friday, 3/11/11

* * *

While Gai was out on missions, his youthful students were assigned the duty of issuing regular challenges to his eternal rival, the legendary Copy Nin Hatake Kakashi.

.

.

"Let's say we had a challenge, and you won, Neji."

"Hn."

.

.

"Hey Tenten, I happen to have these free discount coupons to the weapon shop—"

"Sweet. You won this round of janken right, Kakash-senseii?"

.

.

"Oh, Lee, I've just received notice of a mission too. I'll personally be up to a challenge with Gai when he returns okay?"

"Yosh!"

.

.

It was getting harder and harder to dissuade Lee though. The little carbon copy of Gai was barnacle-like in his tenacity.

"Tenten! Have you seen Kakashi-sensei anywhere?"

"I dunno. What does he look like?" Tenten innocently hugged the large stuffed panda sitting beside her on the bench.

"What do you mean? He has white hair, a black mask covering his nose and mouth, and one eye covered by his forehead protector."

"Nope, haven't seen anyone like that."

"What is that, by the way?"

"My new toy, Kissyfur." Tenten squeezed extra hard, for effect.

Lee moved on, scratching his head. Tenten was a _little_ too old for toys, but he wasn't going to be the one to bring it up.

Kakashi poofed back from his henge, choking. "Thanks, Tenten."

"You owe me Kakashi-sensei. And I do not appreciate your commentary on my appearance by disguising yourself as a panda." Many women had attempted to wrap their arms around the Copy Nin, only Tenten adopted the proper wrestling stranglehold position, "The next time you try that I will inflict One Thousand Years of Pain on you during your henge, and you will not be able to react in front of Lee."

"You're kind of scary, Tenten."

"Yes."

.

.

"Neji, my rival! Have you seen Kakashi-sensei anywhere?"

Neji paused, "I have the Byakugan Lee. I could find Kakashi anytime I wanted."

"Would you use it then, to locate him?"

Neji obliged.

"He is grieving the loss of his team mates and loved ones before their graves."

Subdued, Lee left off the search and went to train instead by himself.

Kakashi stepped out from behind a tree. "Kind of morbid, aren't we?"

"I hang around my dad's grave too, when I don't like to be bothered by anyone."

Chastised by a youngster half his age, Kakashi went off to find Lee and accept his challenge.

.

.

Gai didn't really expect his students to win any of their matches with his rival. He was just making sure Kakashi talked to someone once in a while, to wait out the period when his own team would come back to him.

* * *

_A/N: Gai is also berry berry sneaky._


	6. Bizarre Love Circle

**Team Gai is Forthright**

* * *

******Bizarre love circle**

_Blurb_: How Lee's team mates deal with his infatuation with Sakura. One-sided Nejiten.

_Genre_: Friendship/Humor

Friday, 4/29/11

* * *

Tenten was a busybody. She never denied it.

"We have to do something, Neji. You have to talk to him."

Neji averted his eyes, unwilling to meet her own, "I don't think it's a good idea."

"But he's pining away." Tenten bit her lip, staring in sympathy at the disconsolate boy dressed in green, who was listlessly kicking a practice dummy after another polite turn down from Haruno Sakura. "I'll talk to him if you won't."

"Pretend I'm Lee. What would you say?" Neji didn't like to even pretend he was a Green Beast, but he thought it was the best way to dissuade the nosy girl.

"Lee," Tenten said firmly to Neji, "You are wasting your energy on someone who obviously doesn't return your feelings."

Neji pretended to weep in true Green Beast style, as best he could.

"Why are you making weird faces, Neji?"

"_Lee_ is crying because of what you said," Neji said stiffly. He had managed to frown a little, but that was all.

Tenten wrung her hands. "I don't want him to cry! I'll—I'll hug him."

At this point, Neji thought the idea of pretending to be Lee was a stroke of true genius. The grim sense of accomplishment at figuring out all by himself the secret Byakugan techniques during his bitter genin days was a mere droplet compared to the ocean of contentment and well-being the present inspired suggestion brought to his spirit.

"Feeling better?" Tenten's sweet voice asked.

"No." Neji said morosely, sighing into her shoulder. "Crying harder."

"Dammit, stop crying," she began to shake him. Neji was no longer glad he was pretending to be Lee.

"Tenten? Neji? Are you fighting?" Lee jogged over, concerned.

"Lee!" Tenten wrapped her arms around his neck, "I'm sorry. I can't tell you what I want to tell you. Just be strong. There are other people who really care for you. Please don't be so depressed okay?" She squeezed, let go, stared at him with eyes full of unspoken words, and ran off.

Lee looked dazed, as Neji picked himself up off the ground with a grimace. Tenten could shake a person hard.

"Neji," Lee asked in a small voice, "Does Tenten like me?"

"What?"

"She knows I like Sakura. She implied that even with my beloved's most recent rejection of my pledge of love, there is someone else who cares for me deeply. Yet she doesn't say who," Lee reasoned, looking worried. "Perhaps, with our constant companionship, Tenten has been unable to resist my obvious charm?"

"I'm pretty sure she—" Neji began dryly, then paused, "If she _did_ like you, would you stop pursuing Sakura so openly?" He gave Lee a meaningful look, "Seeing you court another girl might be a little difficult to watch."

The earnest boy looked troubled, "I love Sakura, but I don't want to break Tenten's heart." He nodded, more to himself than to Neji, "I will be more discreet in my courtship of Sakura, and let Tenten down gently when the time is right."

He looked at his Hyuuga team mate, a little surprised they were having this almost brotherly talk, but glad for it, "I think all Tenten needs is a little time to get over her crush. I'm sure it's just a fleeting thing."

With a wave, he jogged off to begin his laps.

Neji stood thoughtfully, wondering if the younger Green Beast realized the same thing might also apply to what he proclaimed he felt for Sakura. It was ironic, that Lee believed Sakura was the love of his life, yet refused to believe that Tenten could love someone as deeply or permanently.

The Hyuuga sighed. It was probably a good thing. He hoped Lee's heart remained set on the female ninja of Team Seven. He didn't like the odds if Lee ever became his rival for Tenten's love.

Tenten wasn't bothering with such things yet. She was the only girl Neji knew who didn't. He was willing to wait.

And be shaken once in a while, if needed.

* * *

_._

_._

_._

_A/N: Well, maybe Team Gai isn't completely forthright. With each other anyway. Oh, who am I kidding, this was just an excuse to torment Neji. _


	7. and fancy free

**Team Gai is Footloose**

* * *

******and fancy free**

_Blurb_: When dealing with a drunk Lee, one had to be creative.

_Genre_: Friendship/General

Friday, 06 May 2011

* * *

"Uh oh."

Tenten glanced up sharply at her team mate, who had gone even paler than usual.

Neji was not one to be easily intimidated. He was a newly minted jounin, and one of the most talented ninja to have ever been born into the prestigious Hyuuga clan. Moreover, the setting they were currently in, as guests of the new Kazekage at his induction ceremony, was hardly a scenario where a possible danger could emerge, for Suna security was very tight. It should be a time for celebration, and peace, and-

Across the room, she saw Lee take another sip of the sake the waiter had handed him.

Uh oh.

Glancing about, Tenten took in all the guests who had arrived for the induction party, the various diplomats from allied villages, the important-looking Suna-ites who were probably council members and political bigwigs, and their own contingent of representatives from Konoha, consisting mostly of the Rookie 9 and their senseis, here at special invitation by Gaara and his siblings. Kakashi and Gai were noticeably absent, because Gai had picked this as a perfect time to launch a "Suna challenge" at his lifelong rival and they were currently outside doing heaven knew what to mark Gaara's induction in their own weird way.

So many people. So much potential havoc a master of the drunken fist could cause.

"Tenten, there's a band." Neji murmured in a low voice. "We have hope."

"It better be a damned good band!" Tenten gritted her teeth and cast her eyes up at the balcony where a group of musicians were playing. The musical fare was pleasant and soft, meant to serve as background noise, but she fervently hoped they were up to a challenge.

"I'll lead him there," Tenten indicated the exit near the end of the buffet table and Neji nodded.

"Good luck."

She jumped swiftly toward the balcony. The Suna ninja on guard noted her movement and instantly went on heightened alert, but at a sign from Gaara, who was sitting calmly at the head table while Neji urgently explained the situation, they took no action.

Just as Tenten made clear what she wanted from the musicians, Lee dropped the sake cup to the floor and began to sway.

The music stopped completely. People looked up, wondering at the sudden silence. Lee looked up more slowly, cheeks flushed and eyelids drooping.

Showtime.

Tenten pinned her eyes on Lee and made sure he was looking at her. Target acquired.

The horn section started up and Tenten moved in time to the first few bars of a catchy tune, stepping down the spiral staircase from the musician's balcony, skirt swirling around her legs, not breaking eye contact with the bowl-haired boy.

She'd argued vigorously against being made to wear a dress but now she'd done a henge to make it even longer so the hem brushed the floor and the bodice clung even tighter to her form. They'd done this once during an undercover mission. Lee had been served a pastry spiced with liquor at an event, and it had been a desperate attempt to keep him from displaying the drunken fist technique, which would obviously reveal he was a ninja and blow the entire mission.

Necessity was indeed the mother of creation, a voice in the back of Tenten's mind mused, but her focus remained at the task at hand. The interested crowd parted before her as she reached the foot of the stairs, still moving to the music, drums now adding to the rhythm of trumpets. The song had a bouncy, bluesy sound. She could dance to it and so could Lee. She glided over and gave him a smile.

He blinked at her with a silly expression. _Come on, Lee._

She pouted at him, then made to turn away.

A hand grabbed her wrist and Tenten was spun around, to face a goofy grin and a slightly more focused stare from her drunken team mate. Then Lee swept her into his arms and the music swelled.

With a dramatic turn, he launched into a quick step with her, travelling the distance across the ballroom at a crazy, energetic pace, practically skipping while whirling about, leading Tenten with masterful, utterly unpredictable series of movements.

Tenten grinned as he spun her away from him, then pulled her back with a snap, pressing their bodies so close she could smell the liquor on his breath, only to immediately release her and step back, then let loose with a furious hundred-step thing-ama-jig as she posed as elegantly as she could, 'presenting' his performance to the watching crowd. Despite the danger, Tenten couldn't help but enjoy the show. Lee was a lanky, awkward teenager who was all gangly limbs and strange Nice Guy poses, except when in battle, and when drunk. During those two exceptions, he was the epitome of grace and beauty in motion. And often, destruction. Hence, the need for this pleasant, albeit nerve-wracking, diversion.

He stopped his athletic demonstration, and posed as well, one arm upraised and another gestured towards Tenten, and suddenly it was her turn. Tenten spun, keeping close track of her swaying partner as she adopted a few of his crazy steps to suit her own speed and non-alcohol-enhanced skill. For purposes of decency of course, she refrained from the somersaults and handstands. Although she did do a slide split across the floor, whereupon Lee leap-frogged over her with glee, grabbed her hands and swung her between his legs to pull her to his front.

He looked ready to start flipping her about, like what happened last time, and while she trusted him not to drop her, Tenten couldn't afford to draw this out. Placing her hands firmly on his shoulders, she leaned in close, leg tipping up gracefully behind her in an arabesque, to assure her inebriated partner that they were still dancing and she was not challenging him to sparring. He so often seemed to interpret any motion to be an opportunity to fight when soused.

The music slowed, faded, building anticipation. She whispered something into Lee's ear.

And then Lee exploded into the air with a whoop, and the musicians burst into the finale. Blinking upwards, Tenten watched her team mate swoop erratically around the domed ceiling of the Suna ballroom, propelled somehow by means not visible to the naked eye (the power of youth perhaps) like a balloon expelling high pressure helium. Or like a skyrocket.

Rocket Lee. Tenten laughed out loud at the absurdity of it all. She didn't care that anyone was watching, What was more imperative was that no one was hurting, and Team Gai wasn't paying for massive property damage. Besides, Lee could really, really dance when he didn't know he was dancing. It was fun to watch, and actually thrilling to try keeping up with him.

Tenten sashayed backwards to the buffet table, sights always on her soaring team mate. She then beckoned her friend towards her with a crook of her finger. He shot down at high speed and she promptly caught him, spun him, and threw him through the swinging doors of the emergency exit behind her, where a brief flash of white chakra flared as the last chord played out.

Tenten made a grand curtsey to the entire room, head bowed, and nonchalantly slipped through the doors of the exit.

"Neji?"

"Got him," barely winded from delivering a flawless Eight Trigrams Sixty Four Palms strike upon his unsuspecting team mate, the Hyuuga slung Lee's arm over his shoulders and hefted up the unconscious boy.

"I'll take him to the room to sleep off the sake."

Tenten sagged against the wall, exhaling in relief. "Let's never attend another party. I'm not sure if I can go through that again."

"You enjoyed it," the white-eyed boy was not fooled. He turned away and began to trudge to the guest rooms provided for the Konoha contingent, "Save a dance for me."

She smirked at his retreating back. Secretly, yes, she did rather enjoy being the only one able to subdue a drunk!Lee with nary a scratch, when it took both Neji and Gai a significant amount of physical injury and lost dignity to wrestle Lee into submission. She had suggested to Neji that he could accomplish the same if he would only henge into the likeness of Sakura, but Neji had ignored the jibe.

"Wait, why would I need to save you a dance?" she asked, but her team mates were already gone.

* * *

Re-entering the ballroom, she almost bumped into a tall man with half his face covered by a piece of cloth. He was in the garb of a Suna nin, apparently one of those on guard duty.

"Miss Tenten of Konohagakure." He bowed."My name is Baki. May I have this dance?"

Behind the man, Tenten noticed other couples moving across the floor to a popular folk song being played by the band. A warm sense of accomplishment suffused her being at having successfully defused a potential disaster. People were even dancing now after seeing her little shindig with Lee.

She looked up at the man, who was probably around Gai's age. Like most Suna ninja, he looked dangerous and ruthless. The red markings on the visible side of his face and dark rimmed eyes accentuated the image.

She took his proffered hand without a qualm. "It would be a pleasure."

It was always fun to see if dangerous-looking ninja could do a two-step.

* * *

When Neji returned after depositing Lee in the guest quarters, he found a party in full swing and guests and locals alike intermingling on the dance floor. The band had adapted admirably, forsaking the original playlist for the evening in favor of pieces that maintained the energy and pace Tenten and Lee's song had set.

The crowd was so thick he wondered if he had to activate his Byakugan to find his team mate.

"Oy, Neji!"

Suddenly Kiba was beside him, grinning with all his fangs, sake redolent on his breath. Neji was sure his cousin, good girl that she was, would never touch the stuff for as long as they were underage, but her team mate was obviously adventurous about such things.

"Lookin' for Tenten?" Kiba slung an arm companionably over the Hyuuga boy's shoulders. Neji was understandably appalled at how chummy the Inuzuka was acting. They were friends yes, especially after he'd saved Hinata from being kidnapped during the Chuunin exams, but not even Lee touched the stand-offish prodigy in such a manner.

"We've been doing our best y'know, making sure she dances with at least one Konoha shinobi for every Suna guy who asks her, but you gotta go and mark your territory, man."

Neji looked in the direction Kiba was pointing, and saw a very pretty kunoichi in a blue dress dancing with the Kazekage's brother. He was saying something, head bent close to her ear as they swayed in time with the music and she was giggling. With his exceptional eyesight, he saw a gaggle of other Suna males who seemed to be waiting _in line_ to dance with Tenten.

Neji's eyes narrowed. Kiba chuckled an "I told you so," and slapped him on the back in encouragement before disappearing again to find more alcohol.

* * *

"And when he asked what your favorite color was, he was actually checking your elemental affinity," Kankuro told her with a completely straight face. Tenten had to lean on him for support, she was wheezing so much with laughter.

"So every Suna guy who's asked me to dance is actually conducting a covert interrogation huh?" she asked. The puppeteer nodded solemnly, but the gleam in his eye gave him away.

"What were we supposed to think? There you were, disrupting the festivities, although personally I think the party was much improved by your little performance, and not only that, but you danced divinely, like some angel come down from the heavens." He grinned at her blush, "A hyperactive angel but quite lovely nonetheless. Security thought you had to be some exotic spy sent to seduce the Kazekage into ceding all his power to your Hokage."

Tenten nodded. "So that's why I've been dancing with so many Suna nin who were supposed to be acting as personal guard to Gaara."

Kankuro chuckled. "Well, actually, Gaara released them from duty and told them to enjoy themselves already. It's not like he needs protection from physical attack. His defense is absolute."

He bent closer, towards her ear and whispered, "They've been dancing with you to ensure his heart is kept safe as well."

Tenten almost burst out laughing at his nigh-poetic turn of phrase. She supposed that being a puppeteer gave one a feel for drama. She tried to feign affront, but couldn't resist giggling, "And here I thought you were all just being polite in asking me to dance."

Kankuro shook his head. "A shinobi's motives are never so pure." He moved a little nearer.

A chakra pulse, the equivalent of someone clearing their throat, made the couple pause. Neji stood to one side, and inclined his head at Tenten. "I was promised a dance," he said simply.

Kankuro raised an eyebrow. The two jounin assessed each other in a way Tenten had become rather familiar with, since for the past few dances all her partners had been giving the succeeding partner similar looks. One would almost think they were on a battlefield, not a dance floor.

The puppeteer gave an expressive shrug, "The song's ending anyway."

He bent to kiss Tenten's hand. "Thank you for this wonderful dance." Tenten beamed and did another curtsey.

When he left, Neji and Tenten stepped towards each other and naturally fell into position. Tenten sighed in relief as the band slowed down to a more sedate tune.

They didn't speak. Moving together was enough. After a while though, Neji muttered something.

"What was that?" Tenten asked. She leaned towards him so she could hear better, and Neji's arms automatically drew her in.

"I said you're right," he repeated. "Let's never attend another party."

Tenten smiled, and decided to let it pass.

* * *

.

.

.

.

_A/N: I can only think of three things that Tenten could tell Lee to get him to launch into space. _


	8. More drama

**Team Gai is Fiendish**

* * *

_Blurb_: Arranged marriages. Oh, the humanity

_Genre_: Drama/Humor

Monday (It's the new Friday. Only this week though.) 04 July 2011

* * *

She delivered the news with a studied air of calm and nonchalance. This was what alarmed the rest of Team Gai the most.

"Tenten, are you—are you certain?" Lee asked, looking almost afraid to hear a response.

The girl, no, woman, nodded. Her eyes pinned her team mate with a gaze that clearly said 'don't-get-too-excited-now.' She fixed the steely look at each of them in turn, although at seeing Neji's face, her expression softened.

"There are records and contracts all drawn up. I can choose to break the agreement, of course, but it would bring shame to my family." Her voice wavered a little on the last word. She spoke, more quietly, "You know how much it means to me to finally have a family."

Gai could not contain himself. "BUT TENTEN," he said, no, exclaimed, no, _roared_, "_WE_ ARE YOUR FAMILY! I CANNOT PERMIT THE BEAUTEOUS BLOSSOM OF TEAM GAI TO-"

"Gai."

Tenten's hurt look shut him up. She raised her hands, pressing them to her chest, beseeching. "It's my decision. It will benefit the village too. You'll always be my true family, but I have to honor the contract. I have to perform my duty."

"We understand, Tenten," Lee was practically sobbing, rubbing his eyes and running nose with a green sleeve, "It's a terrible thing to be deprived of the choice of whom you will spend the rest of your life with, but if it is a matter of honor, you must do it."

The kunoichi smiled.

"Thank you Lee," she sounded genuinely grateful. "I'll need to leave for a while to get ready for the wedding, but we'll be able to get together soon for a few last training sessions as a team-," she halted as this statement only caused Lee and Gai to completely lose it and grab hold of each other to start earnestly bawling their eyes out. There were no rainbows, sparkles or sunsets in their spectacle, only rainclouds and sad squirrels in the trees chittering their dismay.

"Uh, I'll just go, then," Tenten sweat-dropped, and, with a look of farewell at her remaining team mate, hurried off to the Hokage tower.

Neji said not a word. It was as if he had been turned to stone.

* * *

Rumor had it that Maito Gai had not stopped crying since the day he heard the news; his swollen eyes and nose rubbed raw from blowing into a handkerchief as he walked Tenten down the aisle seemed to lend credence to the story. Nearby guests heard Tenten hissing from beneath her veil 'please, Gai-sensei, get a grip,' as they made their slow trek past the attendees. It was a fruitless plea. The man trailed snot all the way to the altar, similar to the way Tsunade's slugs left slime tracks behind them.

It was a very small affair, with only Team Gai, the Hokage, Shizune and some of the elders who were to serve as witnesses to the execution of the contract in attendance. But those who were present were secretly, (or obviously, in the case of Lee) aghast at the decrepit old wart of a man destined to be Tenten's husband. He doddered and swayed throughout the ceremony, at one point falling against his kunoichi wife-to-be for support. Tenten comported herself with grace and temperance, never once reacting to the obvious display of weakness of her future spouse.

It was a pathetic scene, multiplied in tragedy a hundred-fold through Gai's tear-blurred eyes. His youthful, strong student, at the prime of her life, a proud soldier of Konoha, so radiant and full of life in her crimson gown, which was a single piece of cloth secured with a high collar, falling in a loose sheath about her body, embroidered with gold and with the insignia of the dragon and phoenix. Her hair was in an elaborate headdress, bejeweled and adorned with combs. The headdress was so heavy a civilian bride would be able to do little but stand still and keep her head bowed under the weight, but Tenten stood tall and slender, as if it were nothing. Compared to her weapons scroll, it probably _was_ nothing.

Gai gave a great, heaving sob. Tenten! Married off to a senile geriatric with one foot in the grave and likely bladder control issues. The jounin hiccuped and blew an especially loud honk into his handkerchief.

From where they sat among the witnesses, Neji and Lee watched their sensei and Tenten at the front with equal amounts of horror and more horror.

"In accordance with my duty, I now pronounce you man and wife," the Hokage said soberly, closing the scroll of wedding rites. She didn't look too pleased about the entire thing herself.

"WHAT?" Lee burst out, "Where was the part where we are asked to speak now or forever hold our peace! I was waiting for that moment to object!"

"That's not part of the rites anymore," Shizune berated him from her position beside the Hokage, "And with an arranged marriage, it's completely inapplicable anyway. You can't object."

"I can so! As her team mate!" Lee yelled, "As her friend! As her-" he broke off, stammering, "As someone who—" his face grew red.

"Lee…" Tenten's bouquet was wilting; the ferocity of her grip was choking the life out of the flowers. Her face was still shrouded behind the veil.

"Cares for her," Neji's voice interjected. All eyes turned to the Hyuuga, who stood up beside Lee, "I, who care for Tenten as well, register my own objection to this marriage. It is a farce."

"I TOO CARE FOR THE LOVELY TENTEN," Gai boomed, flinging his soaking handkerchief indiscriminately away, to the revulsion of some unfortunate guests.

"Well, that's a little weird," Tsunade murmured to herself, before straightening. "Your objections are denied!" she bellowed, "The marriage ceremony is complete, and the bond may only be severed by death or divorce at the option of Tenten's husband."

Tenten raised a hand to stop her team mates whose killing intent was radiating off them in waves, "Guys. Gai. Just… let it be, okay? Please."

She raised her veil. Neji, Lee and Gai saw tears brimming at the edge of her lashes.

The drama. The _drama_. For once, the _entirety_ of Team Gai was participating wholeheartedly in a tearful, heart-wrenching drama.

Clenching their fists, gritting their teeth, and glaring daggers at Tenten's new husband, who was so medicated on maintenance drugs he looked oblivious to the goings-on, they backed down.

For Tenten's sake.

* * *

She again delivered the news with a studied air of calm and nonchalance. This alarmed the rest of Team Gai even more than it had the last time.

"But Tenten, you were just… It's only been a few weeks since the funeral," Lee again was the first to speak, and this time he was too astounded to be in tears, "You're saying the previous arranged marriage was… a mistake?"

The kunoichi shrugged, looking just as puzzled. "The first arrangement was a deed between my great-grandfather and another clan. The later arrangement that the Hokage just discovered between my grandfather and this other family supersedes the older one. So, I am bound again to honor this contract, since I'm single again and free to re-marry."

Gai looked deeply troubled, "How can it be that the lovely blossom of our team is getting married twice before I'm even married once?" He too seemed unable to produce tears in his confusion.

Neji stated bluntly, "If it's an old geezer again maybe you can give him a heart attack too."

"Neji!" Tenten berated, "I was not responsible for that!" She stalked off in a huff. They watched her, Lee and Gai still too flummoxed by the news to react.

She called over her shoulder, "Wedding's in three days."

* * *

The widow's shroud concealed her face, black velvet and lace covered her from head to toe, and people were a little uncertain how to approach her. She sat primly by the coffin, as guests politely paid their respects.

Kiba had come all the way from Konoha to the funeral, more out of curiosity than anything else. He'd heard from Hinata that her older cousin had been acting in a most unusual fashion around the Hyuuga compound.

_-0-_

"_Neji-nisan," the soft-spoken heiress approached the boy who was feverishly scanning through the family archives._

_Neji's head snapped up, "What is it, Hinata?"_

_"Um," she carefully stepped over Lee, who was sprawled on the floor, open book covering his face, snoring loudly. Above them, Maito Gai had somehow managed to fall asleep on top of a shelf ladder. It appeared that the stamina of the Green Beasts did not extend to intellectual endeavors. "You have been here for three days without sleep. Perhaps you should take a break."_

_The prodigy ran a hand through his messy hair, distracted. "We need to find a loophole in the marriage agreement Hinata. It's- it's- unfair! Unconscionable! Tenten should be able to choose who to spend the rest of her life with!" He bent over the book he had been reading again. "I'm sure it says here somewhere that a contract like that is void and unenforceable for being against public morals and policy."_

___Hinata looked at her older cousin and his team mates with sympathy. She didn't say it aloud, but i__n a world where sealing tailed demons into infants and placing cursed seals on branch family members was acceptable, the tradition of arranged marriages was likely considered trivial and taken for granted as the norm. _

_-0-_

Naturally, the Inuzuka was kibitzing for the heck of it. "You, uh, holding up okay, Tenten?"

She nodded in a stoic manner, "We weren't married very long. I hardly knew him."

"You can say that again, struck by lightning on the night of your wedding, now that's what I call unlucky," Kiba marveled, unaware of how terribly far his voice carried. "Didn't that happen to your first husband too? I mean, he kicked the bucket on the same night that-"

"A word, Kiba," Neji's low, brutal tone accompanied the brutal grip he clamped onto the younger shinobi's shoulder as he hauled the loudmouth away.

"Were you even able to consumm- oof," Kiba was cut off by what sounded like a Jyuuken strike.

The widow bowed her head mournfully. People 'tsked' in sympathy.

* * *

"AGAIN?"

Team Gai was at the Hokage's office this time, having stormed the tower at the latest update from Tenten.

Tsunade looked at the trio in exasperation, "The records are indubitable. We can't break this agreement without risking strained trade relations with the other village."

"But how many times and to how many men is Tenten betrothed to?" Gai shouted, "WHY IS HER FAMILY HISTORY SO FULL OF ARRANGEMENTS LIKE THESE?"

"SILENCE!" Tsunade thundered, matching Gai's volume with her own, not-insignificant lung capacity. She continued at a more normal tone as Gai backed down, intimidated, "Tenten has, all this time, never known her family. She has no history, no clan, no back story if you will. No one can question these genuine, authentic documents that now prove her connections with many of the most influential, wealthy civilian clans who probably lost track of the lone descendant who qualified as a shinobi to be trained within a Hidden Village. These documents show that plans were made to marry off all the female children to increase the business prosperity of the clan, although the fact that she is a ninja does not change the arrangement."

"Yes but she's getting married over and over and—" Lee burst out, but quieted at a look from the Hokage.

"It just so happens that we are doing a complete inventory of the archives of Konoha and are unearthing these important contracts, which, according to the elders, do appear to take effect in the place of the previous marital arrangements," she said heavily. "I don't like it any more than you do but—"

"Hokage-sama, I have finished Tenten's latest contract," Sai announced, marching into the room with a weathered-looking scroll in hand, "The handwriting was difficult to duplicate and getting the effect of an ancient parchment just right was a challenge, but I believe no one will detect any forgery, especially with regard to the additional inheritance we added to be deposited into Konoha's coffers in case of death of—" he babbled on happily as Team Gai boggled at him, with the exception of Tenten, who smacked a hand to her forehead.

"Hello," Sai said pleasantly. His smile had gotten much better over the years. "Are you here to assist Tenten in Operation: Black Widow?" His secretiveness from his Root years had eroded much though. Nowadays he was quite the blabbermouth.

"Ne, Tenten," Kakashi popped his head into the room as well, "Just give a holler if you want me to zap any of your husbands again. Or Shizune could whip up another poison to make it look like a natural heart failure. Although I heard the Aburame clan has found the bug your new husband is especially allergic to, so he could die of anaphylactic shock before you—oh, hey Gai, didn't see you there." He scratched the back of his head, looking from one ninja in the room to another. The three men of Team Gai looked like they were part of a statue dance, completely frozen in place.

Tsunade sighed, "And I was having such fun dressing Tenten up in bridal gowns and goth funeral outfits too."

Tenten turned to her team mates, apologetic. "Sorry guys. I was ordered to keep up appearances, even with you three."

Lee and Gai continued to boggle, processing slowly that all those loveless marriages that they and the squirrels had mourned for Tenten were actually mission assignments.

Neji cleared his throat. They looked at him.

"I know a really rich clan in Rice Village…" he began slowly.

* * *

.

.

.

_A/N: And that is how you turn an arranged marriage to your advantage. __For CatEye360, who missed me. You did say Tenten x whoever. Here indeed is a fic with Tenten x whoever. I can be very literal about these things. So, my dear feline photoreceptor on a full rotational degree, if I said I missed you too, would you write a new fic as well? ;-)_

Here are a few lines from the English folk song Greensleeves, which seemed strangely apt for this Team Gai fic:

_Alas, my love, you do me wrong,  
To cast me off discourteously.  
For I have loved you well and long,  
Delighting in your company._

_My men were clothed all in green,  
And they did ever wait on thee;  
All this was gallant to be seen,  
And yet thou wouldst not love me._

Oh, Tenten's poor, dead husbands.


	9. Omerta

A/N: Long time no write! I'm resolved to finish _Kung Fu Panda _first since I don't like leaving stories incomplete. With TGIF, each story can stand alone so I can write _finis_ to it at any time, but there are still some tales to tell. Here's a back to back feature for your reading pleasure.

**Team Gai is Family**

* * *

**_Omerta_**

_Genre_: Humor/Family

26 October 2012

* * *

Tenten entered the modest flat where she lived with her parents and older brother.

Even at her age, Tenten knew her own mind. It was a strong family trait. She had decided, after watching Lee struggle, that he needed all of Gai sensei's attention. Neji seemed not to need any guidance whatsoever, being a genius prodigy, and was developing his own skills specific to his family's bloodline limit.

That left her to fend for herself, a competent genin, but without the necessary chakra control to become a medic like her idol Tsunade-sama, or the temperament to get along with an animal summons like Kami. Gai had noticed she had an aptitude for sealing techniques though, and she had been doing a lot of research on it on her own.

"Papa," she called.

The handsome, darkhaired man seated at the dining table set down his glass of wine and held out his arms to his favourite. "Ah, my little daughter."

"Papa," she came to him, very serious. "I want to be a part of the family business."

He raised an eyebrow. "You are so young, my dear."

"I'm training to become a kunoichi Papa. I need weapons, lots of them."

Her father looked relieved, "But of course my dear. You shall have them. As many weapons as you require to be a superb kunoichi. We are in the business of producing ninja tools, after all."

She kissed him on the cheek, "Thank you Papa!" She drew back uncertainly, "In exchange I would be willing to work—"

He waved her words away like so many flies, "Do not speak to your father as if he were a loan shark Tenten. We are family! You know I would do anything for you."

"And I would do anything for you!" she beamed, hugging him. At the same time, she stuck her tongue out at her older brother, who was watching with an indulgent smile.

"Remember dear sister, to stick to your little team all right? The other Families, the Nara, the Akamichi, the Aburame, and in particular the Yamanakas and Inuzuka clans, you must keep your distance from these."

"We are not a little team," she blustered, annoyed by the very fact that her brother could annoy her so easily, "We're going to be the best team in the ninja world. And," she said coldly, "I do not need constant reminders of important things."

The two men nodded, satisfied with her demeanor and response. She truly was a daughter of the Family.

"I think it was a good idea to allow you to take up a career as a ninja, even if you are a girl." Her brother could not help but jibe. She ignored him and looked up adoringly at her father.

He patted her head, "Go talk to Luca. He'll best decide which weapons you can begin with."

Tenten bounced out of the dining room, then, with ninja stealth, crept back to the door.

"It's ironic, isn't it? All our hard work to become legitimate, and in the end we are refugees in a Hidden Village," she could hear her brother's voice, deceptively laconic and reserved.

"We will be gone soon," her father said, "This was only a temporary arrangement after all. Our country is once again safe to return to."

"I do not like leaving her."

Her father sighed. "It is the safest for her here. I do not want her involved in the Family business."

"Will we say goodbye?"

"No. Tenten is strong; she will understand. Gai has agreed to watch over her. He's been doing a good job."

"He barely pays her any attention."

"Exactly."

"What made him say yes?"

"I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

Tenten crept away and talked to Luca, as easily as if she had not heard that her family was abandoning her.

They were gone the next day.

She had been left ample provisions and unfettered access to the weapons armory her Family had provided the village while they were there.

Everyday, she would pray at the ancestral shrine for their safety.

* * *

.

* * *

Tenten blinked and glared at the former ANBU in front of her. Blood dripped from the corner of her mouth as she viciously bit down on the inside of her cheek to thwart the genjutsu.

"Eh," Kakashi released the Sharingan, "you're right Neji, she's a tough one."

Neji shrugged in an 'I told you so' way.

"Kakashi…" Tenten wiped her mouth, continuing to glare, "My family does not belong to some kind of weapons smuggling mafia organization!"

"You don't admit to it. That's a different matter altogether."

"I don't _admit_ to being a princess with a bloodline limit of being able to summon magical pink unicorns either, which is more ridiculous?!"

"You can summon unicorns?" Kakashi looked mildly hopeful, then saddened at her glare.

"Anyway, genjutsu exam, passed."

* * *

.

* * *

The new jounin flak jacket felt right on her. Tenten was still aggravated though.

"I don't get it," she ranted to her team mates, "After the war, all chuunins on the front lines were automatically promoted to jounin for exemplary service. What is with this extra genjutsu exam? Who else had to take it?"

Lee raised his hand, head hung low. His jounin flak jacket was very spiffy on him as well.

"Oh," Tenten immediately clapped her hands on his shoulders, "Then it's fine. Fine! I think it was a good idea." She told him, "We should all take the necessary exams to prove once and for all that we are completely qualified as jounins. And we passed, so there's no doubt. We're Team Gai forever!"

Lee looked at her, then at Neji, who nodded. The young Green Beast smiled at them, his self-esteem reinforced now by all his team mates, not just his sensei.

Gai looked at his former students proudly. Tenten, in particular, had grown to be an outstanding kunoichi, strong yet empathic and always considerate of the needs of her team. She and Lee hugged, doing a dance of joy to celebrate their promotion and while doing so she also found the opportunity to stick her tongue out at Neji for feeding Kakashi that idea about the mafia. Neji merely smiled indulgently from the side lines. With a roar of approval, Gai dove into the festivities, smashing them all up into a suffocating group hug.

Yes, they were Family.

And Gai hadn't needed any impetus from Tenten's father at all to consider them such.

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A/N: And so Tenten's past remains… a mystery!

I wanted to put spaghetti and meatballs in there somewhere for the full Godfather atmosphere but that would have been a little too much. For those a little hazy on the reference, the Godfather is a kickass book by Mario Puzo, which was turned into a movie hailed as one of the greatest ever, about a powerful New York crime family. Their 'legit' family business used as a front for criminal activities was, ostensibly, importing olive oil from Italy.

Further musings:

It coincidentally ties in with my other story, _A Hundred Percent_, though. Maybe ROOT and the Hyuuga worked with Tenten's family to eradicate the Uchiha for their own personal agenda - Danzo wanted to curb the Uchiha power while the Hyuuga wanted to gain recognition as the strongest clan. When Itachi learned of the plot and stepped in, he provided two conditions before he agreed to personally destroy his Clan: that Sasuke be spared and Tenten's clan be likewise sacrificed in exchange. If Tenten's sealing abilities come from a clan talent equivalent to that of the Uzumaki clan, then they would be targeted for annihilation as well, so ROOT and Hyuuga would be agreeable to such a deal. Tenten was spared as Sasuke's counterpart, with the Green Beast appointed her guardian to assure her safety, and a Hyuuga team mate to keep an eye on her… But of course the entire plot is just a genjutsu test concocted by Kakashi so there is no basis for this whatsoever... *hums Godfather theme while drifting off to dreamland*

Oh yes, and for those who were wondering. The three things Tenten could have said to Lee that launched him into the air:

1) Sakura likes you

2) There's a complimentary batch of curry in our guest accommodations

3) You have Gai's permission to open Gates whenever you like.


	10. Neurosis

**Team Gai is Fanatical**

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_Blurb_: How the two sane members of team Gai deal with their team mates

26 October 2012

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Fate.

Tsunade-sama.

Fate.

Tsunade-sama.

Fate.

It was becoming absurd, how repetitive these two genin students of his were.

Fate. Tsunade. Fate. Tsunade. Fatsunade. Tsunadestiny. Fatsunadestinyweapons—oh dear, the girl had discovered a new obsession, this time with weapons.

Weapons.

Fate.

Weapons… and Tsunade!

Fate!

Weapons! Tsunade! Fortune Telling!

Gai almost groaned. What better hobby than fortune telling to completely enable the fate-obsessed weirdo!

Enough!

"YOUUUUUTH!"

Gai smiled smugly at his team. That would shut those two maniac kids up.

He grinned with the shining power of a thousand electric light bulbs at his remaining student, who was looking at him in gratitude for stopping the horrible onslaught of insanity.

"Lee," he stage whispered, leaning down conspiratorially, "Every time either the word 'weapons' 'Tsunade' or 'Fate' or 'destiny' is mentioned, we'll counter with 'Springtime of Youth!' Got it?"

Tenten and Neji had the grace to look a little abashed.

Even years later, the 'Springtime of Youth' technique was utilized to its full capacity to curb the unfortunate tendency of some members of the team to become overly fixated on certain topics.


End file.
